For to me living is Christ and dying is gain. If I am to remain in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which I prefer. I am hard pressed between the two: my desire to depart and be with Christ for that is far better; but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you. Since I am convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for your progress and joy and faith, so that I may share abundantly in your boasting in Christ Jesus when I come to you again.
The life of an Apostle, for Paul, was a life of suffering. He's writing to the Philippians from the deprivation of prison. He mentions elsewhere his many hardships: countless floggings, stonings, shipwrecks, hunger, thirst, nakedness. It's clear that Paul needs to retain a life coach. Things don't seem to be going too well.
No wonder he ponders the options. If he dies in prison (which certainly eventually happened), then he will be joyfully with Christ. If he remains alive, he can more fully fulfill his mission as an Apostle but, no doubt, he will continue to suffer. What would be best? Interpreters have wondered whether Paul is just turning these ideas over in his head or if he actually is trying to decide to live or die.
A central them in this letter to the Philippians is joy. The word occurs over and over again. Paul makes the decision to continue in the flesh for the joy of encouraging and strengthening the Philippians in the faith. He has a purpose, a calling, a responsibility. And though he suffers, he finds that joy emerges even from the most painful places of his life, because he is needed.
When Fred Rogers received an Emmy for Lifetime Achievement in 1997, he said: "We've all had special ones who have loved us into being. Would you just take, along with me, 10 seconds to think about the people who have helped you be who your are? Those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for your life." After the silence, he said: "Whomever you've been thinking about, how pleased they must be to know the difference you feel they've made."
Who has encouraged you and shaped you into the person you've become? Is there a way you can express your gratitude to them? Who is with you now that you can nurture and encourage? May you find joy as you fulfill this purpose for your life.
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